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So you’ve got your new Nintendo Wii, and you’re anxious to show your friends and family just how the innovative Wiimote works and how it makes games so much better and so much fun. Sure, you could show them how awesome it is to play the new Zelda, or maybe you could show off the creative ways it’s been applied to the classic Madden franchise. But if you want a single game that uses every single function of the Wii, from the ability to aim, to the tilt function, even to the cool in game stuff that the little onboard speaker is capable of, you cant do much better than Ubisoft’s Rayman Raving Rabbids.

Shake shake shake

Rayman Raving Rabbids is built around a plethora of minigames that require you to exploit pretty much all of the Wii’s control schemes. For instance, the discothèque levels are a simple rhythm-based game where you must jerk the wiimote and nunchuk like drumsticks in time with music, but other games require you to draw rather intricate shapes on your screen by aiming the wiimote at it. There is a whole range of motion here, matched only by the wide range of games presented, from jumping rope to squirting rabbits wearing scuba masks in the face with carrot juice. Um, yeah.

The games are mostly simple exercises, yet offer a bit more complexity than other minigame collections like Warioware or Work Time Fun. Above all, RRR is fun, and amazingly varied in the games that it presents to you. If you cant have fun playing this game, then maybe you should just quit playing games altogether and get a subscription to the Wall Street Journal. You’re dead to us now.

This is the story of a Man named Ray.

Tying the minigames together – because you have to have a narrative to your minigames collection, otherwise milking cows then disco dancing followed up by hitting rabbits on the head just wouldn’t make any sense – is a story about Rayman being kidnapped by a bunch of deranged rabbits, who then imprison the limbless Gaul into a life of a gladiator who must perform different tasks to satisfy the insane hares and hopefully one day win his freedom. Every day you are laced in an arena with 4 doors, each with a different minigame behind it. Complete three out of every four and a “boss level” will open up that’s usually a little more complex, like racing warthogs or rail-shooter levels that resemble a cuter version of House of the Dead. Beat that and you’ll receive a plunger, which you’ll then use to build a ladder to escape from your impossibly high dungeon window. See, doesn’t it all make sense now?

But for the most part, the story is incidental – though the time spent in your jail cell allows you to play with different costumes, unlockable music tracks and replay any minigame you want, so it’s not totally pointless. You can also sit on your cell toilet reminiscing about your day and play any of the completed games from here, for higher scores, to unlock more costumes and music or just for fun. Or to achieve mastery over the multiplayer games so you may lord it over your roommates and friends like the Grand Sultan of Wiizahkistan. Bwahahaha.

Bunnylympics

Since there’s not much else to explain about the game at this point, let me just run through some of my favorite levels, mmkay?

Cow tossing – Imagine you are an Olympic hammer thrower, but instead of swinging around a metal ball at the end of a chain, it’s a heifer. Around and around you swing him (by swinging the wiimote around and around in the air) till you release and let him fly down the field. Rest assured, no actual cows were hurt in the making of this game.

Pig sniffing – You must carry a piglet through a minefield (of buried rabbits wielding blowtorches) to it’s mother, which seems to just be a disembodied pigs head. Porky Jr. will be so disappointed. Hold the wiimote up to your ear to hear him squeal when you get to close to a subterranean fire-bunny.

Shooters – Kind of like House of the Dead, but with plungers instead of bullets, and Rabbits dressed up like Sam Fisher. You even get credit for headshots.

Brain tilting – Your brain has one of those marble maze puzzles on it that you must tilt to and fro to move the little ball from one end to the next while avoiding traps. Marbles on the brain tickle. They’ll also make you call a chicken a stapler.

Shooting carrot juice into the scuba mask – Bunnies are addicted to carrot juice. This explains why Bugs was always missing the turn at Cucamonga. His daily carrot habit would make Courtney Love say, “damn dude, you need to slow down.”

Outhouse door closing – Bunnies don’t want you to watch them taking a pellet. So you have to close their outhouse doors for them. Why can’t they do it themselves? Methinks someone cant admit to their particular kink.

Hitting bunnies on the heads with shovels – Yeah, it’s as awesome as it sounds. Don’t worry, they have super thick skulls.

Like I said, if none of this sounds fun to you, then give your Wii to charity, go sit in a barcalounger and wait to die. The rest of us will be enjoying life and the simple pleasures within, like kicking a cartoon bunny into a soccer net from midfield. Gooooooaaaal!!!!!

Article by: Tom Price
Video produced by: Tom Price