G4TV

Here at "X-Play," we love pain. To prove the point, we've played "American Idol" on the PlayStation 2. This cel-shaded take on the absurd television sensation has an outside shot at becoming a hit among pre-teen girls. But mostly, it's a cheap attempt to cash in on a license.

Make me a superstar

At first glance, the game seems like a blatant rip-off of the ever-popular "Dance Dance Revolution," but in actuality, it's a blatant rip-off of a blatant rip-off of DDR. In this case, "Gitaroo Man." Essentially, that makes "American Idol" a clone of a clone. And as anyone remembers from the days of analog tape or the movie "Multiplicity," that's never a good thing.

At first glance, you think this is a simple dancing game, though we don't remember dancing ever being judged on the real show. Call us crazy, but for some unexplainable reason, we expect singing to be involved in a game based on a singing competition. Sure, there's a karaoke mode, but you're basically singing along with a CD, as there's no scoring involved. Our recommendation? Play your favorite CD and sing along with it instead.

You can use a dance pad to play along with the notes, but really, this game is all about dressing up. You get a surprising amount of control over the look of your "American Idol" pop star wannabe. You can choose male, female, blond, brunette, thin, or really thin. An insane array of clothing and hairstyle options all await eager teenie boppers in their quest to be one of the few, the vocal, the absurdly shallow. If you're not dressed to the nines, your score will suffer.

Fashion bizarre

Sadly, the level of effort put into the fashion portion of the game manages to overtake every other aspect of "American Idol." While the goal seems to be winning the championship title and smacking down all other would-be idols, it's really just a never-ending race to earn new outfits and hairstyles. Between matches, you get to dress your idol up in all kinds of strange and questionable ways. If you want a Barbie simulator, here ya go. If you want a good videogame, well...

So, you may be asking, what do you do when not playing virtual dress-up? Smart gamers would answer that by running away screaming, but those who stay will find a whole world of uninspired, uncreative, and possibly copyright-infringing gaming goo. The controls, interface, and gameplay itself have all been forcibly ripped from "Gitaroo Man" and DDR. That said, this blatantly uninspired cloning will benefit at least one demographic -- the weak. This game can be whooped up and down in a matter of hours.

Quick, press the button!

The gameplay is simple. Following the icons that move toward the center of the screen's crosshairs, you simply press the right button as the icon comes into your sights. Occasionally, you'll have to perform some quick, dual-button presses, but compared to the complexity of some of the dance moves in "Dance Dance Revolution," the action in "American Idol" is firmly grounded in amateur night.

Cartoon idol

Visually, "American Idol" is awful. The cel-shaded graphics aren't complex in any sense of the word, and the character models look like they were intended for the original PlayStation or Nintendo 64. The environments don't fare any better. You'll perform on the same simplistic stages over and over.

There are more than 40 piano renditions of pop tunes included. Compete by keeping in time with such hits as "A Moment Like This," "Bye Bye Bye," "C'est La Vie," "Breathless," "Genie in a Bottle," "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay," "Escape," and many other familiar songs. You'll also find Simon, Paula, and Randy here to judge your abilities -- properly timed button presses mean your singer stays in tune, and the judges come up with an array of ways to extol or berate your rhythmic virtues. The judges have certainly toned down the criticism found in the actual show, likely to keep from scaring off the little girls and boys this game is obviously intended for.

Where's Simon when you need him?

Strictly for Barbie collectors or fans of the show who have no understanding of what makes a good videogame, "American Idol" is a cheap rip-off of other, much better games, and an overall unimpressive attempt to cash in on a popular TV phenomenon. This game is more fun if you sit the controller down and allow the contestants to croon completely off key. At least then it's good for a few laughs.

"American Idol" (PS2)