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Shaun White Snowboarding has good intentions. It straps a board to your feet, kicks you out of a helicopter and lets you tackle its various mountains however you want. You can cruise around the slopes with buddies online, go off exploring on your own or play through the game’s career mode. However, concepts are one thing; a satisfying and enjoyable gaming experience is quite another. In this case, the game is so frustrating on almost every level that having the ability to traverse four expansive mountains ends up being more of a chore than a breath of fresh mountain air.

There’s No Business Like Snow Business

When you start the game, you have the option of jumping into the single-player career mode or joining in a game with friends online. The career mode is as basic as it gets. You customize your character, deck him out in any gear you can afford and then you set off to earn the endorsement of the game’s titular boarder. Each of the game’s four official mountains (Park City, Europe, Japan, Europe and a Target-sponsored one that comes with Target-bought copies of the game) has plenty of events and challenges, in addition to the challenges that Shaun White offers you, that you can compete in to win money to unlock buy new equipment. Although, earning enough cash to get your hands (and feet) on the premier equipment takes far too long, because the events don’t pay very much, even if you come out on top.

There are cutscenes that help push the story along, but the dialogue in the scenes (and the rest of the game as well) is just awful. It plays up the “snowboarding dude” angle so much that you quickly realize how truly unappealing and obnoxious that whole style really is. Also, the commentators are beyond bad and constantly insult you during competitions. We’ll get to the game’s numerous problems in a second, but just a quick note to up-and-coming developers out there: mocking players for being unable to successfully pull off tricks because your game hamstrings them at every turn with shoddy controls and constant glitching is not the path to winning over an audience.

It’s All Downhill From Here

White’s challenges involve locating twelve coins spread out across the four mountains in exchange for focus powers like speed boost and super jump. Eventually, if you complete White’s challenges, he sponsors you in a tournament where you must compete in three events: freestyle, half-pipe, and a race. The first two parts are bearable, and you’ll probably only have to play them a few times to come in first. And if you quit the tournament at any time, you will have to do all three events again. The race, however, is one of the most appalling pieces of video game design I have ever seen in my life. If you thought racing games had infuriating rubber banding and ridiculously flawless AI, you ain’t seen nothing.

These races aren’t just punishing, they defy all laws of physics, gravity, logic and sanity. You’ll stare aghast as opponents gain impossible amounts of momentum while you slow down. And don’t blame it on my board for only being above average. You could strap your feet to a bookshelf, and you’d still be able to keep up your speed better than even decent boards in this game. It’s one of the most baffling things you’ll ever see.

The game also does this bizarre perspective shift when you’re about to land after a jump. It’s jarring, annoying and more often than not it will cause you to underestimate how much space is between you and the ground, and that means crashes. Of course, none of these issues has any affect on the computer AI. Rather than being guided by the game’s sorry excuse for physics, the computer looks as though it’s being pulled along by a magical hand, which looks even more ridiculous when placed alongside your absurd flailing and gravity-defying momentum shifts. You actually get to a point where you can’t even summon the strength to get mad about all the problems anymore; because you come to realize that you have absolutely no control over what the outcome of the events will be.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Play This Game Alone

When you’ve had enough of dealing with obnoxious computer AI, you can jump into multiplayer mode. Like other open-world games, multiplayer is handled by throwing you and up to fifteen other players into the same shared space, only in this case instead of a city, it’s a mountain. You can board around on your own and just watch other players as they cruise around, or you can compete in events like hi-score challenges and races. Some of the events need to be unlocked in the career mode before you can compete in them online. Fortunately, there are plenty of events open from the start, so you’ll have plenty of options, even if you just go straight into multiplayer.

However, that’s about all that’s good. All of the hilarious physics, control issues and stuttering that plague offline play are in full force online, only here they are accompanied by frequent lagging. On more than one occasion, I started a particular event wherein each player takes a shot at setting the highest overall trick score. Once your run is done, you are supposed to be able to watch the runs of other players. The first time this feature was supposed to kick in, I automatically shifted to a first-person POV that was planted in some static point near the starting line, and there was no one else around. The next time, the perspective shifted to an overhead angle of the starting line where all I could see was the flickering body and frozen breath of one of the other players. After that, the event just cut to the medal ceremony. It took four separate events for the spectator function to work properly, and even then, it was so choppy, that it was unbearable to watch.

Eventually, I did hit a stretch where I was able to get into a bunch of games that worked. During those sessions, I didn’t come across as many blatant glitches, which I guess is a good thing. However, things don’t stay sub-subpar for long. They get worse. How about being notified that a session is full, then having to sit through a load screen, as the session attempts to load, then being dumped back into single player where you have to navigate back to multiplayer all over again? How about having to completely end a session rather being able to just exit out of an event? And then, how about having to sit through an entire event (some of which last for as long as the other player wants it to), even though all but one player has been disqualified? How about being knocked off your board by a snowball thrown with pinpoint accuracy from 50 yards away? The list goes on and on, but I feel I have made my point.

Do What I Do. Not What I Say.

Your enjoyment with this game is directly proportional to when you decide to compete in your first series of events or challenges. Cruising around the mountain, catapulting yourself off cliff edges, grinding on rails, and pulling off big tricks can be somewhat enjoyable in general, but only when you don’t have to worry about being precise. Because all the tricks are mapped to the right thumbstick, it’s easy to string together a series of satisfying flips, grabs and grinds. However, the moment you’re asked to find something specific on a run (like in the coin challenges) or follow a particular path (like in the Collectible mode, where you have to hit a series of checkpoints every few feet) all of that potential and quasi amusement crashes to the ground with controller-crushing force.

These issues would almost be bearable if you felt like you had some measure of control over where your rider was going. Even the slightest nudge of the left thumbstick will cause you to swerve and carve wildly across the mountain. And there’s nothing better than finally landing on a hard-to-reach ledge, only to slide off two inches before grabbing a coin or something, because you tapped forward thinking it would right your board, only to see your boarder turn to the side and fall off the ledge. There is no end to the ways the game constantly screws you over with its controls. Like when you mistakenly do a front flip because you happen to be pushing forward on the left thumbstick (while holding down the right trigger to tuck and gain speed) when you release the right trigger to jump. You’ll appreciate this even more when you’re coming down the stretch in a tight race and you flip onto your face mere feet before the finish line. If that kind of thing sounds fun to you, then you’ll love this game. But for most players out there, these issues will be deal-breakers and justifiably so.

GTA: Snowboarding?

Keeping with the open-world theme, you can remove your board at any time and walk around. You can also waddle around with your board on. Sadly, both of these options will let you reach certain spots where snowboarding is actually a liability (like when you’re trying to reach a coin perched at the end of a frozen bridge or rooftop). You have to love a game that encourages you to avoid its primary gameplay mechanic.

And yet, as aggravating as the controls are, it can actually be more frustrating trying to find out where you’re expect to go for challenges. This is due in large part to the lack of a comprehensible map screen. The GTA-style mini-map on the bottom of the screen (which is far too large by the way) helps a little, but it doesn’t have enough to detail to guide you precisely. The main map screen gives a very broad layout of the mountain, which can make finding specific areas incredibly frustrating and time consuming when you jump back into the game.

The map does let you jump to specific chair lifts and helicopter drops and shows you all of the event locations, which helps ease some of the pain of having to travel all the way to the nearest chairlift or helipad on foot. You also have the option of setting up a warp point that will bring you right back to wherever you set it.

Top ‘O the Mountain (Well, Not Quite)

When it comes to visuals, the game certainly has its moments. The mountains are all enormous and the draw distances and vistas that you come across as you make your way from their untamed peaks through their tourist-filled centers are quite impressive. But beyond that, it’s really a mixed bag. The character models and animations are disappointing considering the game uses the Assassin’s Creed engine. Don’t expect to see any of Altair’s fluid and graceful motions here. The models do their job, but there are far too many instances of characters getting stuck on invisible edges, clipping objects like ski lift pylons and trees, or freezing up entirely, making them look like cadavers on a snowboard. I also came across a number of invisible walls and areas where I would just fall through the level and into oblivion.

The snow is also a major letdown. It’s not so bad when you’re moving at high speeds, but when you slow down and watch as your board and boots just disappear below a static line of white, you realize it’s not nearly as solid as it should be. Although, disappearing through snow is one thing, clipping through solid objects like wood and stone is something else, and you will see this happen on a regular basis.

The sound is decent enough and provides some good wind rushing and snow crunching thrills. The game also features a number of licensed tracks from bands ranging from Blue Oyster Cult and Jefferson Airplane to Modest Mouse and the Ting Tings. The track selection is easily one of the game’s high points, and you have the option of jumping between them, which is appreciated, especially since not everyone will like every song.

Crash and Freeze

In the end, Shaun White Snowboarding is just an all-around disappointment. It has its moments of giving you the thrill of hurtling your body through the air at dizzying heights and performing ridiculous sets of over-the-top tricks, but for every one of those moments, there are dozens more that will leave you in a speechless rage. If the awful controls and embarrassingly unrealistic AI don’t get you, the glitches, lame physics and interface issues will. The game has no idea what it wants to be. It’s not super arcade-y like the SSX series, and it’s not simulator oriented like Amped. Because of this, it just comes off as a non-stylized semi-simulator with focus powers and characters who alternate between being light as air and heavy as a battleship. Snowboarding fans might get a kick out of hitting the virtual slopes with their friends for a little while, but even then you still have to deal with infuriating controls, graphical issues, and bizarre loading glitches. If you were hoping for Skate winter-edition, keep rolling. There is nothing to see here.

Article Written By: Jake Gaskill