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When director Bryan Singer made the movie Superman Returns he took great care to be faithful to the tone of Richard Donner's beloved 1978 film. For Superman Returns, the movie tie-in game, it looks like EA Tiburon were very careful to remain true to the long, proud tradition of Superman video games. Armed with next generation processing power, access to performances by great actors and a decent movie to crib plot from, they made a game nearly as awful as Superman 64. It's good to see somebody has some respect for the classics.

Forget What You've Seen

Though its based on a movie, Superman Returns has little plot. Most of your time is spent roughhousing with dragons, robots and mutants – wave after wave of them until the game is over. Every so often you stop by the Daily Planet to watch cut scenes starring Lex Luthor and Lois Lane -- a storyline that has absolutely nothing to do with the game. Besides the explanation that all the renegade monsters in town have escaped due to one of Lex's electromagnetic pulses, it feels like the game barely intersects with the movie. There's no Smallville, no business inside the Daily Planet and no re-creations of the movie's big action set pieces. The game does start off with some tutorials delivered in the booming voice of  Superman's dad Jor-El. These bits are voiced by a guy who definitely isn't Marlon Brando. Apparently nobody had the foresight to have the actor recite the line, “Press 'A' to pick up and throw an enemy” before he died.

Like Purgatory With Tights

The monotony of Superman Returns is occasionally broken up by a sequence that glimmers with a tiny spark of imagination. Sometimes Superman will need to put out a fire with his breath, or in one mini-game, play as Bizarro and try to cause as much damage as possible. But mostly the game is a dreary slog that, besides busting heads, offers very little for a superhero to do. This is strange considering the fact that the game world of Metropolis is huge. The sprawling city goes on for miles, but it's essentially empty. Sure, there's traffic, pedestrians and the occasional garbage can to give the illusion of a living, breathing society. But the place is a sham. Quite often Kal-El's only option is to twiddle his thumbs until more villains show up. And when they do, the combat plays like a broken Zone of Enders. Supes fights in the air and on the ground and the transition between the two is often frustrating. Players will find themselves fighting with controls as often as they tangle with Metallo. Neither match is fun.

Reboot Aborted

The idea of an open-world game starring superheroes is an awesome idea. Superman Returns only half accomplishes the goal. They made the world, but forgot to put a game in it. There's so little friction here that a sharp gamer can easily blow through the game in four or five hours. And almost every bit of resistance the player meets is wracked with crappy controls and a crushing feeling of sameness. The only thing the game gets right can be experienced in the first minute of play; as Superman you leap into the air, rocket above the skyline breaking the sound barrier, then land with a booming crash, crumbling the asphalt beneath your feet. Superman Returns is all downhill from there.

Article by: Gus Mastrapa
Video produced by: Mark Fahey