G4TV

"Bring that beat back" is a common phrase in music. "Bring that Beatmania here" is just as common among American gamers. After all, the rest of the world has been tripping the turntable fantastic for the better part of a decade. What's up with that? We can twirl a glow-stick just as well as the rest of the planet!

Konami finally answered the call, and Beatmania is in the U.S. It's got the daunting task of  being the first rhythm/music game to follow the Red Octane/Harmonix mega-hit, Guitar Hero. Not the best timing, Konami. In the end, we find that -- much like octopus balls and vegemite -- Beatmania proves to be an acquired taste that doesn't hold up in the good ol' United States of America. 

Hey, Mr. DJ!

This game has one of the wildest peripherals known to man or beast: a seven-button keyboard accompanied by a miniature turntable to simulate what DJ AM and Mix Master Mike are working with. With the abundance of keys and their focal point in the gameplay, Beatmania feels as much like you're simulating a CPA counting beans with a calculator as being a club DJ getting people on the floor. The turntable's purpose is more to look cool and keep your left hand occupied (or right, if you switch the configuration) than to be useful during a song.

Gameplay is typical Konami rhythm fashion, however: Notes scroll down the screen, and your goal is to hit the corresponding button (or scratch the turntable) when they reach the bottom. Beatmania's learning curve is pretty intense, and the scoring system is merciless. As such, you'll spend several hours getting the hang of things. Notes are small on the screen and only come in two colors, so you're forced to train your brain to recognize their location. Mercifully, you can play a whole lot using only five of the seven keys. Beatmania is loaded with extra modes and other goodies, but you won't see but a millisecond of them until you get your skills up to par -- which is sometimes an exercise in futility.
 
Old Techno(logy)

A good soundtrack to a music game is as vital as a sharp axe to a lumberjack or a pocketful of M&M's to Oprah's handler. Sadly, Beatmania falls short here. The recognizable tracks are few and far between: Toxic, Virtual Insanity and Funkytown are among them. The rest of the tunes are an eclectic mix that really doesn't show off the skills of Konami's in-house composers. The easiest songs -- i.e. the ones you'll play the most -- are among the worst, including awful reggae and hip-hop tracks that aren't worthy of being played at a car wash. Beatmania goes for quantity over quality, and encompasses quite a few genres; but most of them are just too Japanesey for their own good. You'll often get the feeling that some notes were placed through the "close your eyes and chuck a dart" method.

Graphics don't matter much in this genre; all that's required is a clean HUD. Thus, we'll be forgiving of the dated visuals. What we can't forgive is the fact that your press rating (Good, Great, Poor, etc.) show up right above the cursor line -- where you generally look to see what notes are coming next. Since there are only two colors and the notes are tiny, this can be detrimental.

No Ecstasy

This DJ came over here far too late. It's true that Beatmania is another decent music game from Konami and is unique to our shores. However, it must be considered the first casualty of post-Guitar Hero traumatic stress disorder. It can't match the fun, coolness factor, or song selection of the king of music simulations. Gameplay is a chore to get the hang of, and the payoff really isn't worth the effort.

A few years ago, Beatmania might have been gotten this party started. It will still find its audience among the techno-geeks out there -- the music ones, that is, not the guys who drool over Linux. With patience, they'll find plenty to adore here. The majority of gamers who purchase Beatmania, though, will soon banish it to the same closet slash peripheral graveyard holding their video game dance pads, light guns and bongos -- never to be seen again.