With their hit reality show, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, The Learning Channel has manged to accomplish the Herculean feat of making The Jersey Shore look like sophisticated, cultured television.
While it has already endured endless parody and even lampooning on an episode of South Park, what "Boo Boo" didn't have yet was the benefit of a dramatic reading of its society-deadening prose by none other than Christopher Walken, who sat down with the folks at Screen Junkies.
With the help of his Seven Psychopaths co-stars, Colin Farrel and Sam Rockwell, you will discover how Walken, who usually makes anything sound crazier, manages to refine the material.
Indeed, you will emerge with a newfound appreciation for the ancient redneck art of making "sketti" and the elasticity of certain parts of the female anatomy.
Oh, how tempting it must be the put your dollar in that machine, hit B4 and hope for a 4-for-1 jackpot.
However, the sight of those other stuck bags may as well be the sight of the mangled dreams of other people who have attempted a similar feat, only to be tragically forced into sacrificing their dollars to this ever-expanding sinister trap.
This scene from the Turkish action classic, Ölümcül Tekmeleri, shows that evil thugs don't stand a chance against a guy with explosive swift kicks and a head of hair tough enough not to be unraveled by the hardest of cheap shots.
These guys, who aren't even appropriately dressed to walk into a 7-Eleven probably wished they hadn't forgotten to put on their shirts so that they could at least preserve a modicum of dignity during the ass-beating they took.
It appears that the upcoming sequel to The Amazing Spider-Man could be graced with the Wall-Crawler's better known love interest (and eventual wife,) Mary Jane Watson.
Previously played by Kirsten Dunst, the role of Peter Parker's red-headed bombshell is now reportedly being offered to The Descendants star, Shailene Woodley for what would be the 20 year-old actress' first appearance in a big-budget mega-project.
The live-action return of Mary Jane could possibly complicate the relationship between Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker and Emma Stone's Gwen Stacy, presenting the possibility of an interesting love triangle.
However, MJ isn't the only rumored addition of signature Spider-Man favorites as more will apparently be thrust into the mix.
Tonight's Attack of the Show with Rob Huebel and Candace Bailey, we've got UFC Heavyweight Champion Bas Rutten live in studio for Here Comes The Boom while Jessica Chobot hangs out with Ben Affleck and Bryan Cranston from Argo and we review the new Droid RAZR M smartphone inside the Dishonored warehouse. Plus, guess which billionaire screenwriter and actor is back? You're right, it's Tom Lennon! Tune in tonight 7/6c.