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Notes From Japan

I don’t really eat fish so the majority of my meals in Japan were liquid (WINK WINK). Since I can’t remember most of the day to day happenings there (again, my diet was mainly liquid (DOUBLE WINK WINK) ) I figured I’d just put together a list of things I learned about The Land of the Rising Sun.

Japan is CLEAN. Really, really clean. Not in a “Oh, today’s Tuesday. The street cleaners must have just driven by” –kinda way. More like a “I should probably wear garbage bags on my feet because I don’t want my shoes to dirty their roads”- kinda way. The first time I saw the Ninja Warrior course and the athletes directly coincided with the last time I thought I was physically fit. Japanese restaurants hate having words on their menus. They prefer gigantic food dictionaries with photographs of every item there, most of which look and taste NOTHING like what the picture would have you believe. Expanding on item #2, Japan is also without a doubt the world’s biggest importer of plastic food. Before a potential eater even makes it to the restaurant’s “Big Book O’ Tasty Pictures” he or she must first run a gauntlet of cases and cases of plastic versions of EVERY ONE of the aforementioned foods. When drinking delicious adult beverages with someone else etiquette states that you must pour their drink and they yours. This removes the stigma usually associated with drinking at breakfast because TECHNICALLY you’re just consuming to be polite. Only rude people turn down gifts from others. I’ve never been to a Disney park of any kind so when Alison took me to Tokyo Disney my mind exploded. The country’s obsession with Mickey and friends is unrivaled and hearing “It’s a Small World” sung in Japanese was both terrifying and appropriate. Why appropriate, you may be asking? Allow me to direct your attention to my last point: I’m way too tall for that country.

All in all, an amazing journey filled with tons of sake-fueled debauchery and astonishing acts of ninjocity. I left Japan with a belly full of Tommy Lee Jones approved coffee and a heart full of pride for our American Ninjas. While you’ll have to wait until insert air date here to find out what happened, be certain that at the very least the world now knows that Michael Dudikoff isn’t the only ninja that America’s got.

So say we all.

Thoughts On Japan

The land of the rising sun and amazing cheesecake-filled crepes. Having never been to the birthplace of anime and Mr. Miyagi, I had no idea what to expect when I stepped off the plane. Thinking I would feel like I had just landed on another planet, I was surprised to see it was visually so similar to New York. But that's where the familiarity ended. There were surprises around every corner, from McDonald's that served egg on everything to vending machines filled with beer. Being a lover of sushi, I was excited to have some of the best in the world, but wasn't prepared to have fish for EVERY meal. I found myself craving a hamburger after 3 days. I faired much better than Blair though. he doesn't eat fish so his meals consisted mostly of noodles and Sapporo.

Seeing Mt. Midoriyama for the first time was mind-blowing. After seeing so many seasons of Ninja Warrior, it was amazing to be there in person. Our ninjas were incredible, both as athletes and as people. Blair and I had an epic evening of karaoke with them. "Total Eclipse of the Heart" will never be the same.

But my favorite moment from all of Japan was witnessing Blair's face when we stepped foot into Tokyo Disneyland. Blair had never been to a Disney park, and now fully understands why it's called 'The Happiest Place on Earth'. And if you're wondering, yes. It is just like regular Disneyland, except everything's in Japanese. For example, on Splash Mountain, "Zippity Do Dah" is sung in Japanese. Weird.

Incredibly crowded, incredibly fun, and incredibly bizarre. I think the best way to describe Tokyo is as a cross between New York City, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles transported to Mars.

And did I mention the heated toilet seats...?